


Shadows

by littlebalsam



Category: One Piece
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Hurt, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attack, Self-Indulgent, everyone knows they are in love but themselves, this is really self-indulgent, yeah - Freeform, you know sometimes on your worst day trauma can be a bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebalsam/pseuds/littlebalsam
Summary: Sanji never thought a simple word could trigger all these emotions in him.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Sanji, ZoSan, Zoro/Sanji
Comments: 13
Kudos: 124





	Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Hello !  
> English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are mistakes  
> I'm warning you, everyone is soft as heck in this fic so much that it becomes unbearable hehe but I think we all need it in these strange times (once again, this is reaaally self-indulgent)  
> Still, I hope you'll enjoy reading it :)

Sanji was so tired. He was doing the dishes in the galley with a sleeping swordsman. Turning around to observe him, he couldn’t refrain a sigh. The man really was unbelievable, how could he sleep so deeply on a chair, face plunged into the table ? Although he couldn’t say he was any better…

He flushed remembering the one time he had fallen asleep on Zoro’s arm. He didn’t mean to ! He was so tired that night and they were all bickering in the boys room and it just… happened. He didn’t realize that he had fallen asleep on the sleeping seaweed. On the floor, on top of that.

Urgh, he really didn’t need these kind of thoughts. He tried to focus on his dishes, failing when he heard a loud snoring coming from Zoro. He wanted to ignore him but the constant noise was bugging him.

Usually, Sanji didn’t mind Zoro’s company, even if he had a tendency to always sleep in the galley these days, which was kind of odd but not surprising coming from him. Maybe it was the quietness of the place which was appealing to the algae ?

Sanji thought it was nice to spend time in silence with Zoro, when they didn’t fight each other. He didn’t really know why but these moments were soothing, even comforting. Sometimes they would talk about Sanji’s cooking, about their dreams, Zoro would help him with the dishes…

However, now, all he could think about was how tired he was and how he didn’t want to start a fight with the swordsman because he was an idiot who couldn’t help him or be quieter. ‘‘Nothing good comes from this beast.’’ he mumbled around his cigarette. He needed to distract himself.

He looked at his hands, he could discern his old scars which were emphasized by the soapy water. There were from his time at the Baratie, when he was still learning to cook with Zeff. He noticed a particular scar on his left palm and was immediatly remembered of the time he had wanted to impress his father by cooking with a chef’s knife for the first time. Zeff didn’t have time to react that he had already slipped and cut his hand.

He had expected to be yelled at, punished or even beaten up but none of this happened. Zeff had rushed to his side to treat his injury and he had yelled but it was more of concern than anything else, Sanji had tried his best to conceal his tears but when Zeff had started to lecture him he broke down crying.

At that time he had been so overcome with relief and a great feeling of gratitude that he hadn’t been able to stop. In a rare move Zeff had embraced him, his hands making soothing circles on his back.

Sanji smiled, he felt a little nostalgic remembering all these memories. Each scar had a story to tell, most of them absurd due to Sanji’s foolishness when he was a child but all of them were heartwarming.

He continued his examination looking at his forearms now. They were obviously much less scarred. However he noticed one which was almost indistinguishable, one he didn’t want to remember. The memory strucked him, it was from the time his brothers had-

He shook his head, he didn’t need these kind of thoughts. Eventually, he focused back on Zoro’s now soft snoring.

____________________

Zoro was awoken by Usopp and Franky’s footsteps. As they entered the galley, Zoro stretched yawning loudly and searched for Sanji instinctively.

‘‘Hey Sanji, can we have something to drink ? It’s freaking hot out there.’’ Sanji left his dishes and dried his hands, smiling to Usopp.

‘‘Sure, just wait a minute I made a new flavoured drink with the ingredients the moss-head found at the last island and I want you to test it.’’ Zoro could tell that Sanji was really excited about this drink, he was glad he had found these ingredients. ‘‘Then I will be able to serve it to the ladies !’’ He rolled his eyes. And there went his contentment, vanishing.

‘‘Are we like… your test subjects ?’’ said Usopp, wary.

Sanji knew this was a joke but he suddenly felt nervous. He stopped his movements for only a split second which didn’t go unnoticed by the swordsman. Why was he feeling so uncomfortable ? Somehow he already knew the answer but again, he didn’t want to think about it.

Fortunatly for him, Franky simply smiled and ignored Usopp’s antics.

‘‘Aw ! Zoro-bro, how did you find these ?’’ he asked, intrigued. Sanji emitted a laugh which irritated Zoro since he knew already what was coming.

‘‘He was lost.’’ They all laughed.

Zoro’s cheeks reddened, ‘‘Shut up, shit cook !’’ They ignored him and kept on laughing.

‘‘When I finally found him he handed me fruits I had never seen.’’

As Sanji was preparing the drinks, he looked at Zoro with his trademark grin which always made him feel weak. He hated this sensation as much as he loved it.

‘‘So I guess I can forgive you for once, moss-head.’’

Now, you might think that they were clearly flirting with each other and everyone, including the straw hat pirates, would have agreed with you but here was the problem : they were both stubborn idiots who couldn’t possibly admit their feelings in front of each other. So here were Franky and Usopp, completely accustomed to this atmosphere but wishing that things would go faster between the two fools. It was funny at the beginning but Nami’s bets were starting to cost them a lot.

‘‘Anyway, what is that thing you’re working on, Usopp ?’’ Zoro grumbled, trying to change the subject. Sanji placed the drinks on the table giving one to him. The drink color was made of warm green nuances with a lemon peel decorating it. He took a sip readily and damn was it delicious. He didn’t have a sweet tooth and yet, he could recognize it was really refreshing and tasty.

‘‘Oh this ?’’ Usopp took out what was inside his pocket, ‘‘It’s a transponder snail but it’s broken.’’he answered, a bit saddened, ‘‘Franky and I have been trying to repair it for hours.’’

They both took a sip from their drinks and praised Sanji, asking if he knew the fruit names. Sanji’s face beamed as he went back to do the dishes. He explained that he would like to find a book about fruits like these at the next island. Zoro couldn’t help but smile, the cook looked so glad and innocent when he talked about cooking or about the All Blue.

Usopp and Franky finished their drinks and got up to leave the galley.

‘‘Do you think we’re gonna be able to fix it ?’’ asked Usopp.

‘‘Hmph, seems like it’s gonna be a failure… ’’ Franky looked quite upset about it.

As soon as the door closed Sanji dropped the plate in his hands. It crashed in a deafening noise immediatly alarming Zoro who got up and moved towards him. The cook’s hands were shaking and he was curling up on himself, his shoulders hunched.

‘‘Hey, cook ! What’s wrong ?’’

Sanji didn’t understand. The word ‘‘failure’’ kept echoing in his head as if Judge was here, in front of him, despising him. His stomach was in a knot, it was like something he had been burying deep inside of him exploded all of a sudden. His heart was beating so fast, he tried taking deep breaths but it was like something prevented him to do so. He was stuck, like he was going crazy. Everything was fine just a minute ago and he knew Franky and Usopp didn’t mean anything nasty against him, they were his crewmates, his family so why did he feel so overwhelmed by a simple word ?

He felt miserable and ashamed to react like that, especially in front of Zoro. He wanted to disappear, to run out of the galley but then everyone would see him in this state. He didn’t want to worry them.

Zoro approached Sanji slowly, he wasn’t unfamiliar with panic attacks since it happened in the crew sometimes and Chopper had made sure all of them knew how to react. However it was the first time he saw the cook in this state, it had never happened before. Or… did he just never show it ?

He put a hand on his shoulder as he spoke softly, ‘‘Take a deep breath, I’ll stay with you as long as you need me to.’’

‘‘… Shut up.’’ unconsciously, Sanji leaned on Zoro. He tried to take in deep breaths to calm down once more but it wasn’t working. His mind kept reminding him about Judge and his brothers, about how he was an error. He felt weak in the knees, as he was about to collapse, Zoro caught him. Sanji panicked even more, what the hell was the swordsman thinking ?

‘‘What are y-’’

‘‘It’s okay. You can lean on me, keep breathing slowly.’’

Zoro started making soothing circles on his back and all will in Sanji to argue evaporated. His mind went blank and he eased in Zoro’s arms, forcing himself to take deep breaths in his neck. He focused on his scent, which consisted mainly of steel, then on the fabric of his dark-green coat, which he had been clinging to for several minutes now and the warmth the swordsman was emitting. He could feel Zoro’s muscles under the fabric. He felt his face flush, what the hell was he thinking ? Yet, he wasn’t uncomfortable anymore, he strangely felt like he belonged there.

Eventually, when his trembling subsided and he felt like he could breath again, he moved away to give Zoro some space.

‘‘Are you okay ?’’ Zoro sounded concerned, he was still holding his arm.

‘‘… Yeah, I think so.’’ Sanji wasn’t accustomed to being taken care of, especially not by the swordsman. He crouched down to pick what remained of his plate but Zoro stopped him and told him to let him do it and to ‘‘just go sit down’’. He sat, his back facing the swordsman, he was still frustrated by his behavior, it just wasn’t him. He sighed, holding his head in his hands.

Zoro gathered the last pieces of the mess on the floor and went to throw it. He watched the cook’s back and wondered what could have upset him so much to make him drop his precious dish. He sat in front of him, the cook looked exhausted now.

‘‘You wanna talk about it ?’’ he asked, unsure. Sanji looked at him with big eyes, he seemed surprised by the question. Zoro noticed dark rings under his eyes.

‘‘No, it’s my own problem and I don’t want to bother anyone with that shit, plus I have to prepare dinner and I still haven’t finished the dishes.’’ he started to stand up which irritated the swordsman.

‘‘Cut the crap shit cook, you’re clearly not in shape to do that now.’’ Said cook stopped his movements and scowled at him.

‘‘Shut up, you green plant ! Who’s gonna clean and make dinner if I don’t ? I’m not letting the ladies do it and I’m certainly not letting Luffy burn my kitchen again !’’ Sanji looked away, thinking about the whole Big Mom incident… he feel hit by guilt all of a sudden. ‘‘Look, cooking is my job, I need it. If I don’t cook I’m… I…’’ he huffed, ‘‘Fuck…’’

He pulled his hair, something he always did when he was tormented. Zoro noticed it and put his hands on Sanji’s softly. He loosened his grip slowly and let Zoro hold them. His hands felt warm and protective.

‘‘You’re not useless nor a failure if you can’t cook anymore and you’re not gonna bother anyone if you talk to us about what’s troubling you. You have the right to feel bad, cook.’’

Sanji was astounted. He didn’t know what to say but for the first time in what felt like a long time he felt understood and relieved. Wherever that shit went from, he had needed to hear that. He remembered what Luffy had told him in Whole Cake Island when he had thought he was a disaster, _‘‘That’s just you.’’_ he had said, smiling. And it was true, he wasn’t just a cook, he had plenty of traits which made him a reliable and strong person.

‘‘… Seems like you’re right for once.’’ he looked away but he knew Zoro was smiling, ‘‘But I still don’t want to talk about it, at least not for now. I don’t feel ready, especially not after what just happened.’’

A comforting silence settled between them. After a while, Sanji fixed his gaze on their intertwined hands and felt kind of odd about it. Zoro noticed it too and let go of his hands instantly.

‘‘Ah, sorry.’’ he mumbled, confused. His hands hung awkwardly in the air.

‘‘It’s okay, um… thanks, I guess.’’ Sanji said, embarrassed. He felt himself flush. ‘‘Anyway, I have to start dinner, I hate it but the dishes will have to wait.’’ he stood up and went in the pantry to gather some ingredients. When he came back, the swordsman was doing the dishes.

‘‘What are you doing ?’’

‘‘I’ll help you.’’ he answered with a deadpan expression.

Sanji hated feeling monitored but he could really use some help right now, ‘‘Umph, don’t break my dishes, moss-head.’’

‘‘You mean, like you did earlier ?’’ he teased, grinning.

‘‘Shit… I can’t believe I did that.’’

‘‘It’s just a plate, nothing serious.’’ Sanji looked at him, jaded.

‘‘I should have known a moss-for-brain like you wouldn’t understand.’’ the cook sounded overly dramatic to Zoro.

‘‘What the fuck did you just say, curly brow ?’’ he threw droplets of water in his direction to irritate him which, of course, always worked. The cook was so easy to piss off.

‘‘What ? It’s only the truth, idiot moss-head. And stop that ! You’re the one who’s gonna clean after, I’m telling you !’’

They bickered the whole time, sometimes falling in a welcomed silence, Zoro even helped Sanji to cook. He had never realized cooking could be so exhausting. However Sanji smiled the whole time, he didn’t know why he felt relieved seeing him like that, the cook he had always knew and fighted with was back and it eased something in him.

____________________

After dinner, Sanji went to do the dishes but Usopp pushed him out of the galley pretending things like ‘‘You looked tired earlier but now you look like you could _really_ use a break so go to sleep, Brook and I will do the dishes. Anyway, goodnight !’’ he had told him that in such a hurry, Sanji didn’t have time to protest that Usopp had already tossed him out, the door closed behind him.

He tried to open it but Usopp had clearly locked it. He swore, that idiot and his fucked up plans… did he look this weary ? He had noticed some worried glances at dinner and Luffy had clinged to him the whole time but… he knew he was tired but not _that_ much, right ? He rubbed his eyes. Well, maybe Usopp wasn’t wrong. Now that he thought about it, it was obviously what had triggered his fuss earlier. He had had panic attacks when he was younger, but it had subsided with time and now it happened only when he was exhausted. However, it was the first time he hadn’t been able to refrain it in front of someone else.

He sighed, as he went to sleep in the male quarters, why did it have to be the moss-head ?

____________________

A few days passed, Zoro and Sanji still enjoyed fighting and bickering like they always did. Nothing had changed between the two apart when they were alone. The time they spent in silence was filled with trust and closeness. At times they would share stories about their past, when they didn’t know each other yet. Sometimes it was a bit too overwhelming and everyone could see they were awkward around each other but both didn’t think about it too much as it never lasted long. They didn’t want to ruin what they had now, this new relationship.

Sanji kept cooking snacks for the swordsman, he supposed it was his way to thank him even though he didn’t need to but he didn’t say anything about it, pretending it didn’t matter to him.

One night, as Zoro was on night shift, he saw a familiar blond head pop up by the trap of the crow’s nest. Sanji had a bottle of booze and two cups in his hands as he sat near him. It was odd, usually the cook would come before going to sleep to drink not in the middle of the night. He said nothing as Sanji poured the drinks, he looked resigned and frustrated for whatever reason. Zoro didn’t want to pry so he waited for him to open up.

They drank in silence for a while until Sanji put is cup down roughly and looked straight into his eye.

‘‘I think I need to talk about… y’know’’ he looked away.

Damn the cook could be so difficult at times. ‘‘I don’t read minds, cook. About what ?’’

‘‘You really do have only moss in your head.’’ Zoro ignored his comment, he seemed suddenly weary. ‘‘I’m talking about what happened the other day, y’know, ever since I’ve been having these nightmares again.’’ he muttered. He straightened himself up and looked at Zoro with a glint of resolve in his eye. ‘‘I’ve been thinking about it and I want… I need to talk about it.’’

Zoro forgot his booze, the cook had so much trust in him it moved him. He put his cup away and adjusted himself in a better position, allowing Sanji all the time he needed.

Sanji didn’t know where to start. He lit a cigarette and put his face in his hands, sighing. After a few minutes, he talked about his mother, not wanting to remember the bad things first. He talked about how his mother was the nicest person he had ever known, always encouraging him. He looked up to her.

Then he talked about his siblings, about how they always mocked and beat him while his sister couldn’t do anything about it except force herself to laugh.

Inevitably, he eventually had to talk about his father. His voice wavered as he spoke about how this person he loathed had mistreated him, faking his death, locking him with this atrocious iron mask.

He told Zoro everything, from his mother death to his escape on the Orbit.

Zoro felt rage go through his veins. The cook had had to go through all this shit on his own ? He knew it was absurd but he couldn’t help but feel angry at himself for not being able to protect him, he hated those Vinsmokes. Sanji tossed the cigarette butt in his pocket ashtray and as he did so, Zoro noticed a slight tremble of his hands.

He put his arms around Sanji who surprizingly let him without protesting. He pressed him to his chest letting the cook rest his head on his shoulder.

‘‘It’s like, they keep following me whatever I do, wherever I go… I just can’t seem to get rid of these memories’’ Sanji spoke in a broken voice which made something tighten in Zoro’s chest. He knew this feeling too well.

Sanji wasn’t waiting for Zoro to answer, he was just glad he wasn’t alone at this instant. He felt secure in the man’s strong arms. As warmth radiated from him he got closer, resting his hand on Zoro’s forearm.

‘‘You can’t get rid of them.’’ Zoro stated, startling him. ‘‘And that’s okay, these memories… they are what made us who we are, we just have to live with it.’’ Sanji looked up at Zoro, he was looking at his sword, Wado Ichimonji. He looked melancholic and Sanji abruptly understood why. His chilhood friend, Kuina if he remembered correctly, surely she was the one who he couldn’t seem to forget and didn’t want to.

‘‘I wish it were that easy.’’ he huffed. ‘‘I guess some days are better than others.’’

‘‘Yeah, I guess.’’ Zoro had a pained smile but it disappeared quickly as if the man didn’t have the right to falter. Sanji squeezed his forearm slightly, maybe to comfort him.

They stayed like this for a moment, enjoying the peace and the shared feeling of understanding and tenderness between them.

‘‘You alright ?’’ Sanji felt the swordsman hesitate.

‘‘Of course I am, you algae !’’ he ignored the little ‘‘hey !’’ from Zoro and took some time to think. ‘‘Something like that, it’s nothing. Actually, I feel kinda… relieved.’’ he felt himself flush. ‘‘Yeah, um, thanks for listening even though you’re a moss-head.’’ he muttered as quickly as possible.

Zoro grinned, it was so uncommon for the cook to thank him. He tightened his hold on Sanji, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere by teasing him. He felt Sanji start to drift off on his shoulder, his breath becoming even. He closed his eye, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stay awake the whole night, as always.

____________________

‘‘Zoro, do you know where-, oh.’’ Sanji was awoken by Nami’s voice. It took a few moments to register where and why he was here, in Zoro’s arms. In Zoro’s ar-

The swordsman was sent flying across the crow’s nest in a kick, Sanji tried to readjust his suit to look presentable in front of his goddess.

‘‘Good morning, my lady ! What can I do for you ?’’ he kneeled in front of her, trying to hide his affliction. Why did his lovely Nami had to see that ?

‘‘Good morning, Sanji.’’ she had a deadpan expression, not impressed by Sanji’s antics. Her next sentence was cut by the swordsman.

‘‘You jerk… why did you that, dartbrows !’’ he grunted as he took Sanji by the collar of his shirt.

‘‘Shut up, moron ! How dare you interrupt a lady ?’’ he pushed him but they both fell to the ground.

‘‘Wha-’’

‘‘Oh.My.God. Just kiss already ! I’ve had enough of you two !’’ Nami left the place in fury, cursing under her breath.

Once the trap was closed, they looked at each other with big eyes, shocked by Nami’s behaviour. Zoro burst out in laughter seeing Sanji’s face go from mortified to red from embarrassment.

‘‘Stop laughing, idiot.’’ he said even though he had a small smile tugging up the corner of his mouth.

‘‘No, but I mean, this was ridiculous and your face… !’’ he laughed so much he couldn’t finish his sentence.

Sanji was amazed by Zoro’s expression, it wasn’t often that the swordsman laughed out loud and even less in front of him. He chuckled, Zoro’s laugh was contagious. His face felt warm but it wasn’t from embarrassment anymore.

‘‘Damn, this is so humiliating.’’ he hid his face behind his hands. Zoro’s laugh subsided, he smiled softly and grabbed Sanji’s hands. He observed them, he could discerna few old scars but they felt so soft and delicate in his calloused hands.

He raised his head but was met by the cook’s eyes fixed on… his lips. Caught, Sanji looked away instantly, blushing hard. ‘Could it be… ?’ Zoro thought.

‘‘Hey, cook, look at me.’’

‘‘Shut up green shit ! I don’t want to.’’ Sanji tried to withdraw his hands but Zoro caught his wrists.

‘‘Look at me, shit cook.’’ Zoro was trying to stay calm but it proved to be difficult with the stubborn idiot in front of him.

Sanji didn’t answer, he closed his eyes firmly as Zoro took his chin between his fingers to have a real look at his face. He heard the sworsdman sigh, was he finally giving up ?

‘‘Sanji.’’

Sanji stifled a gasp and looked at him with big eyes, shocked. It was so rare for Zoro to call him by his name, actually, was it the first time ? It made something flutter in his stomach and he settled down even though he also felt suddenly vulnerable and transparent. It was weird and so unfair. Zoro gently envelopped his face with his hands, they were warm as always. So unfair. Sanji put his hands on Zoro’s torso and again, he looked at his lips unintentionally. When he looked up he saw Zoro doing the same, his tan skin taking a red tone. It reassured Sanji, somehow.

They looked into each other eyes and slowly got closer, they were just a few inches apart now, their forehead pressed into one another and their breath mingled. They stayed like this for a while, testing each others’ limits. They both wanted to go further but didn’t really know how to. Contrary to what was often said about Sanji, he had actually never done anything romantic or sexual seriously with anyone and as for Zoro… well he had a dream to achieve and wasn’t usually interested in anything else but swords.

‘‘Can I… ?’’ Zoro swallowed nervously, looking at Sanji’s lips. Sanji nodded and it was all he needed to act.

Their lips were on each other’s instantly, Sanji muffled a moan in the kiss and tightened his hold on Zoro’s shirt. He felt Zoro stroke his cheeks with his thumbs, he felt cherished and melted in the touch. He slowly raised his right hand to play with the swordsman earrings, then he pulled slightly at his hair and the swordsman let a groan out. Sanji smiled in the kiss, satisfied. At one point, they parted, both gasping for air. Zoro had a hungry look in his eye and it sent a shiver up Sanji’s spine. They went to kiss each other again when Zoro’s stomach manifested itself in a angry rumbling.

Oh, he was actually literally hungry.

‘‘Okay, move. I have to make breakfast.’’ he got up and readjusted his hair and his suit.

‘‘Can’t it wait ?’’ Zoro mumbled and looked away, folding his arms.

‘‘Are you pouting, little moss-head ?’’ Sanji scoffed. ‘‘I’m fucking late and everyone is certainly waiting so hurry up and move.’’ he looked away and offered the swordsman his hand.

‘‘I’m not pouting, idiot love-cook !’’ Zoro grumbled as Sanji laughed. He grabbed his hand and got up, not letting go when they went to leave the crow’s nest but he suddenly stood still, holding Sanji back.

Sanji turned around and stared at him, he looked a little nervous.

‘‘On the next island, I’ll come with you, y’know, to search this fruit book.’’ Zoro looked straight in the cook’s eyes even though he was tense but, really, he just wanted to spend more time with him.

Sanji softened and smiled brightly, ‘‘Sure ! I’ll even hold your hand since you’re always a lost child.’’ he tightened Zoro’s hand.

‘‘I don’t to hear that coming from someone who can’t even walk on a straight line without losing his mind for a woman.’’

‘‘What did you just say, cactus boy ?’’ Sanji yelled.

They kept bickering but Sanji kept holding Zoro’s hand without realising it until he actually had to cook. All of that in front of the others who were relieved. Too bad, Nami would have to bet on someone or something else now.

**Author's Note:**

> They are such dorks, I love them *sigh*  
> Comments are highly appreciated, I feed on them actually  
> Thanks for reading !


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